Rose Tint My World
by Lyowyn
Summary: Rocky HorrorLabyrinth crossover. Jareth gets transported to Frank's castle and needs his help to get back into the underground.
1. Anything you Desire

Chapter One  
  
Anything You Desire  
  
Jareth the goblin king had gotten used to rejection, but he still had romantic dreams of true love. Sarah had not only rejected him but also defied him, and he still had a sore ass from that one. Maybe he should reconsider his methods, or maybe he just needed to find the right girl, or maybe he was so incompatible with everyone that he was destined to spend the rest of his life alone, or maybe he was just such a phenomenal sexy rich bachelor that the world would just cease to exist if he was to be taken off the market. What was he kidding himself for? He was never going to find true love, it just didn't exist for people like him, and he should just stop kidding himself, get down on his knees right now and prey to the gods that an ugly deaf blind girl happened his way.  
  
  
  
So Jareth is throwing himself around his castle in the center of the labyrinth cursing himself in utter despair when the powers that be, being in the mood for a good laugh, decide it would be fun to teleport Jareth to a certain castle outside Denton were a very well reputed scientist we all know is in the mood for a little fun.  
  
  
  
One minute Jareth is in his castle and the next minute here he is in front of a different one. It's daytime so the effect of the castle is diminished, but Jareth decided to go up to the door anyway, whatever was in there had to be better than moping. He was in the mood for a good adventure.  
  
  
  
There was a doorbell and Jareth rung it. A shiny bald man with a pasty complexion, and a crescent of long yellow hair answered the door. He was wearing a black overcoat that made him look like a hunchback. Jareth introduced himself with a flourish, " I'm Jareth the Goblin King, and I seek an audience with the master of this castle." Jareth silently applauded himself for being so completely full of shit.   
  
"The master is very busy what is it you want?" The man took on an air of suspicion.   
  
"Even if that wasn't a matter of the greatest importance I would not disclose such a thing to a lowly servant." More applause. The man glared at him, but let him in.   
  
"Right this way."   
  
Jareth followed the man into what could only pass for a throne room. Was the owner of this castle a king, or just some glammed-up noble? Well glammed-up certainly, a noble probably not. Jareth spotted him/her/it leaning against a wall at the other end of the room. He/she/it was wearing a corset, stiletto heels, and must have the same makeup artist as Jareth himself. He/she/it began to walk across the room towards Jareth, delicate little steps, clicking heels. He/she/it extended his/her/it's hand to Jareth, and he took it. A nice firm handshake.   
  
"My name is Dr. Frank N. Furter, but you may call me Frankie. Riff Raff," he was obviously addressing the servant, "Go and tell Magenta that we will be having a guest for dinner." Back to him, "You will stay of course?" A question Jareth never answered, he forgot his manners, good upbringing, and general eloquence.   
  
"What are you?"   
  
"Cabaret as hell I imagine." Frank chuckled. Jareth raised his eyebrow, clearly confused. " And can I ask what matter was of such great importance that you couldn't disclose any of it's details to my faithful handyman," he smiled with his rather large mouth.   
  
"I'm not quite sure one moment I was in my castle at the center of the Labyrinth, and the next I was in front of your humble abode, I was really hoping you could be of some assistance, that you had some of the answers." Jareth looked at him questioningly.   
  
"Oh I'm hardly humble, I'm all the assistance you'll ever need, and I do have all the answers if only you'd be so kind as to ask the right questions. But, first tell me more about this Labyrinth."   
  
God, Jareth thought, that sounds like something he would have said. " The Labyrinth is really just a means of security. I'm rather paranoid. It works rather well, only one person has ever solved my Labyrinth."   
  
" This one person who were they? You loved them didn't you? I can read it in your voice."   
  
Jareth looked down, ashamed that he had been read so easily. " Forgive me. I'm being rude. Please, we'll talk more of these things at dinner. Riff Raff's sister Magenta will show you to your room. If there's anything else you should desire, please do tell. I'll personally tend to your every need, I do seek to accommodate." Frank bit his lip and stomped off towards his laboratory. 


	2. Sarah and King Kong

Chapter 2  
  
Sarah and King Kong  
  
" Dinner is served master," Magenta broke in.  
  
  
  
Frank jumped up startled, "God, don't you ever knock, you scared the shit out of me."  
  
  
  
Magenta ignored this, "Vhat do you vant done about his highness?"  
  
  
  
For a moment Frank had no idea who she was talking about. Frank had nearly forgotten about Jareth, which was so unlike him. He usually paid such attentive attention to his guests. He'd been caught up in his work again. He felt horribly about it, but yet again Rocky was coming along nicely.  
  
  
  
"I'll go get ready for dinner, and then go fetch him myself." Frank answered her. Magenta seemed contented with this and left, supposedly going off to the kitchen.  
  
  
  
Frank went up to his room to freshen up; he was a bit of a mess, his makeup had smeared, and a lab coat wasn't the most fetching thing to wear to dinner. Some fresh lipstick, and eyeshaddow. Frank fixes the mascara on his left eye, damn microscope. Frank put on a black negligée, fishnets were a given his mother's pearls, and the six-inch stilettos that marked him as part of the Transylvanian monarchy.  
  
  
  
Jareth was lying half-asleep on the bed when Riff Raff came in.  
  
  
  
"The master will arrive shortly to escort you to dinner." The handyman said, and left the room.  
  
  
  
Jareth sat up, wiping sleep from his eyes, yawned, and stretched. Just then as Jareth still stood stretched with his arms in the air Frank came in and sat on the bed, crossing his legs rather sexily.  
  
  
  
"Are you ready for dinner?" Frank asked.  
  
  
  
" I suppose so," Jareth looked down at himself, nothing spectacular, but ok. It's not like he had packed to be simultaneously transported to another dimension if that was in fact where he was.  
  
  
  
"Let's go then, Magenta has cooked something up, and it smells rather delicious. Unless you'd rather stay here and indulge a bit." Frank lifted his eyebrow.  
  
  
  
"I'm actually quite hungry." Jareth said, and then added, "For food," not wanting his sexual appetite confused with his true meaning.  
  
  
  
"Very well then," Frank sighed and got up. He offered his arm to Jareth, and he took it. They walked this way until they reached the lift, and then separated.  
  
  
  
"Can you tell me where I am?" Jareth asked again.  
  
  
  
"Later darling, after dinner I should think." Frank answered softly.  
  
  
  
Jareth felt as though Frank was avoiding the subject, but couldn't really do anything about it. He was a guest in Frank's castle, and he didn't really have anywhere else to go, mostly because he didn't know where he was.  
  
  
  
They stopped on the ground floor and once again Frank took Jareth's arm leading him into the dining room. Frank sat Jareth down on his right-hand side. Frank himself sat at the head of the table. A red haired woman and a biker came into the room, they looked high. The woman sat on Frank's other side, and the biker next to her. Riff Raff and Magenta came in and served fillet mingion with red wine and pineapple.   
  
"I simply adore exotic fruit," Frank explained. Riff Raff and Magenta sat down across from each other, Magenta next to the red haired girl, and Riff Raff one seat down from Jareth leaving a space between them. Jareth thought this to be in bad taste, servants should not eat in the dining room like equals, but he ate in silence. Jareth noticed Magenta and Riff Raff had stopped eating, and now sat, hands clasped together staring into each other's eyes. The red haired girl and the biker sat very close together, and also held hands, but continued to eat. Jareth noticed how silent everyone was being. He looked over at Frank. Frank looked sad, he wasn't really eating. He'd eaten his pineapple, but only picked at his meat. Frank looked lonely, he put down his fork and took a sip of wine. Jareth took Frank's left hand in his right, hoping to comfort him if he was feeling his own mortality. Frank looked up at him and scanned his face. Jareth gave him a comforting smile.   
  
"Well, I'm done eating," Frank said promptly a satiric look coming over his face. "Care to join me for a nightcap?"   
  
"I guess so." Jareth didn't really want to, but agreed to the invitation anyway, trying to be polite. Frank stood up and took Jareth by the hand ready to lead him out. Jareth stood up, a sheep for the time being, but he could be transformed into a wolf easily enough. They were about to leave when Frank stopped.   
  
"Eddie, take Columbia out. Keep her out of hair for one night. You may take my pick- up." Frank threw some keys with a pair of lips keychain at Eddie. He then took his red vinyl wallet out and counted out 3 hundred-dollar bills and threw them down on the table as well. Frank and Jareth left the room, once more boarding the lift.   
  
"Can I ask where we are?" Jareth asked him again.   
  
"Later, my pretty boy. Be patient." Frank patted his arm. They went to Frank's bedroom. Jareth felt as though his whole world had been rose tinted. The drapes, bed curtains, furniture, carpet, and walls were all varying shades of red and pink. Jareth saw in an adjoining room a hot tub bubbling up water the color of cherry soda. "Sit down," Frank gestured to a crimson sofa. Jareth once again did as he was told. What was it about this Drag Queen that made him feel so subservient? After all he wasn't just any normal person, he was a King; even if it was over a group of people who on the whole easily fit below a four foot ceiling. Frank came back from the bar with a bottle of wine and two crystal glasses. He filled one and handed it to Jareth, then filled the other for himself. He set the bottle on a side table, and came to sit next to Jareth on the sofa.   
  
"Now can I ask where we are?" Jareth asked, after taking a sip of wine.   
  
"Well I suppose so," Frank answered. There was a long moment of silence in which both parties looked expectantly at one another, then Frank broke the silence. "Well, ask."   
  
"Where are we?" Jareth asked nonplused.   
  
"We are in my castle." Frank smiled.   
  
"And where precisely is your castle located?"   
  
"Oh, it tends to move around from place to place."   
  
"Where is it currently located?"   
  
"Just outside Denton U.S.A. Which really is quite a charming little town, perhaps we shall visit it some time You and I."   
  
"Now why couldn't you have told me that in the first place?" Jareth asked exasperated.   
  
" Oh, but Q and A is just so much more fun wouldn't you agree?" Frank smiled devenairre. "Now it's my turn. Riddle me this, or quick pro quo whichever you prefer." Frank paused, relishing the bubbling of the hot tub for a moment. "How old are you? Do you prefer the mountains or the sea? What is your favorite flower? Have you ever been in love?"   
  
"32. The mountains. Lily of the veil. Just the once." Jareth paused. "And this brings us back to Sarah." Jareth was beginning to look sad, and Frank didn't want to prod, but he just had to know.   
  
"Who was she?"   
  
"Oh, I loved her. She was beautiful, though probably more so in my eyes than in anyone else's. She was a little young for me, an oh-so-sweet- seventeen. But in my eyes there was no other woman. Nothing she did was anything other than perfect. Any feature that would be defined a flaw in another woman became divine in her light. I tried everything to win her love for me. I was quite willingly her slave. I changed time. I turned the world upside down, and I did it all for her. And se defied me, inspite of all my efforts she despises me for it all. I would have rearranged the stars to resemble her sparkling face if I thought it would gain me a moment's consideration. But, in the end I had no power over her. Even in all my methods and planning I have no power or control over the human heart. No matter how much passion and devotion I show her she does not love me. And now my heart shall never be content because I love whom I love and no one else." Jareth stopped and drank some more wine. "But, what about you? One such as yourself must be the product of either great love or great heartbreak. Tell me my friend, what is your story?"   
  
"Ahh," Frank sighed. "I fear I am the product of both great love and great heartbreak. To understand the complexities of my life would take a lifetime, and at the same time I have the firm belief that my life should be required reading. But, again, I fear that the story of my life would be judged far too often by it's cover, and completely disregarded because of it. I have an enlarged ego, you have no idea what that would do to me. Oh, I'm sure I'd have a strew of followers. Who, like religious fanatics, cling to my trials and tribulations hoping to find enlightenment and guidance in their own lives. But, yes, I too once loved another. My delicate satin draped Faye Wray. I loved her presence. But, soon I realized I wanted to be her more than I wanted her. So in this respect, perhaps, King Kong is really the love of my life. But this," Frank gestured down at his attire, "Came before my love for Sci-fi movies. You see, my darling, I too am royalty, and like you I am not from Denton.  
  
  
  
"You see, I am a prince from a distant planet. I've come here on an interplanetary mission to fill the need for scientific information and investigation of this planet. My servants Riff Raff and Magenta are also from my home planet of Transylvania in the galaxy Transsexual. Eddie and Columbia are guests from Denton, not unlike yourself in circumstance. I normally wouldn't tell an outsider all of this, but as you can't exactly tell me where you are from you could just as easily be from another planet yourself. Unless you are a spy, and are just here to discover the inner workings of my operation. You're not a spy though, are you?"   
  
" Oh, no. No." Jareth gave a fleeting gesture. "I am just who I say I am."   
  
"Then let us both be just that, who we say we are."   
  
"I agree. I shall hold no doubts in my mind as to your word, since you seem to have been honest with me so far, and have jeopardized your mission by confiding in me." Jareth said all this with great conviction.   
  
"And, in return, I shall not doubt you. Since you seem to have been honest with me as far as I can perceive." Frank raised his glass in a toast and Jareth met it with his own.   
  
"Let there be no ill will between us," Jareth sighed judging the momentum of the moment. 


	3. Magic Mirrors and old aquaintances

Chapter 3  
  
Magic Mirrors and Old acquaintances  
  
Suddenly a rush of emotions overcame him, Jareth's head was spinning. "I need to get back. Back to my castle. Something is wrong." Jareth brought his right hand to his right temple as if hoping to relieve the pressure of a headache.   
  
"I'll help you, though I don't know where to begin." Frank looked ready and more than willing.   
  
"We have to get to Sarah's and we have to get there tonight." Jareth was urgent.   
  
"We'll take my pick-up," Frank offered.   
  
"I thought you lent it to Eddie," Jareth was confused.   
  
"Did you even see Eddie and Columbia at dinner?" Frank asked. " They won't have left their room, let alone the castle."   
  
"I suppose you're right."   
  
Frank did have a point, they had seemed quite infatuated with each other. Frank, not bothering to retrieve his keys from Eddie, found his spare keys after digging through several drawers. "Well, let's go then," Frank marched out of the castle into the court yard and hopped into his black Honda convertible pick-up truck. Jareth chose to use the door.   
  
Frankie drove like a bat out of hell, down the back country lane. Jareth was a grateful for it, but he had to admit that Frankie scared him somewhat. Frankie, being an accomplished scientist from a slightly more advanced culture, had modified the truck a bit. He hears sirens from behind him, swears, and pulls over to the side of the road. Imagine this man's nerve to pull over the future King of Transsexual for speeding.   
  
"Hello Officer," Frankie bats his eyelashes but despite his sexiful voice and lacy black lingerie he gets no response.  
  
  
  
"License and registration please," the police officer achieved that drawl only capable of those who have completed the very same task time and time again without any variation, he didn't even look up.  
  
  
  
"Just a second it's in the glove box," Frankie reaches over Jareth to get to the glove box flashing his thigh intentionally. Still no reaction. Perhaps he'd have to actually work to get out of this speeding ticket, and not in the pleasurable way either. Frankie opens his glove box and then shut it quickly. "No license, just my narcotics. I know it's around here somewhere."  
  
  
  
Finally a reaction. The officer looks up at him slightly startled, noticing Frank's apparel for the first time. Jareth didn't bother to be startled by Frank anymore, he'd gotten past that point already. Now that he had the man's attention Frankie could have some fun.  
  
  
  
"It's just like a condom, You can't find it when you need it."  
  
  
  
Frankie crouches down with his head between his legs. As flexible as always. "Well it's not under the seat. Just my unregistered antimatter laser gun."  
  
  
  
Frankie made a pouty frown. "Well I know it's around here somewhere. I know it's not in the trunk; the only thing back there is a couple of dead bodies. Oh, wait a sec. I know where it is." Frankie digs around in his purse for a while, and finally puts out his license. "How silly of me, what a ridiculous place to keep it."  
  
  
  
The officer goes back to his squad car and uses Frank's license to check his file. He'd been charged with three accounts of indecent exposure, he'd also been charged with one account of statutory rape but the charges had been dropped. The officer elected to call for back up.  
  
  
  
Soon a more experienced officer arrives on the scene, gets the story from the other officer, and walks over to Frankie's car.  
  
  
  
He asks Frankie and Jareth to exit the vehicle, very professional, but Frankie noticed his side glance down his thigh. Jareth noticed it too, but didn't know he had. The officer checks the truck over three times. No narcotics. No weapons. No corpses. This was ridiculous, officer drug bust should have been able to handle this himself. He decided to question him.  
  
  
  
"My colleague," he gestured towards officer drug bust, "Said that you were in possession of narcotics, weapons, and multiple corpses."  
  
  
  
"Oh yes," Frankie laughed. "I imagine he also told you I was speeding."  
  
~*~*~*  
  
When the car stopped they where in front of a very large and well-to-do looking white house. "Is this it?" Frank asked.   
  
Jareth looked around and saw Sarah's dog Merlin sniffing about the yard. "Yes, this is it." Jareth wondered if she would even talk to him, He hoped she would.   
  
"Should we go up to the front door like normal folks, or try something else?" Frank asked, he seemed rather overjoyed with the whole thing.   
  
"We could throw rocks at her window."   
  
"Why would we want to go and do a thing like that. No wonder you never got her to like you. Believe me, vandalizing her house is not a good way to get a girls attention."  
  
Jareth sighed, "Never mind, we'll go up to the front door."   
  
Frankie, eager to meet Jareth's lucky lady, moved quickly up to the front door and knocked upon it. Mere moments later a rather gorgeous girl answered it appearing as a vision in a white silk night dress which was cut low at the neck exposing her milky white breasts to just above the nipple. Her raven-black hair flowing over her shoulders in ripples. Frank could see how a man as beautiful as Jareth could be so hopelessly devoted to this girl.   
  
"Sarah, I presume," Frank asked.   
  
"Indeed," Sarah raised an eyebrow, "And who are you?"   
  
"I am Dr. Frank N. Furter prince of the planet Transsexual, and I am most undoubtedly at your service."   
  
"Well, thank you very much," she was sarcastic, "I suppose I should find this odd but. ahh, you see." Sarah pointed at Jareth, coming up the walkway. "My dear Goblin King, you are the cause of every single abnormal occurrence in my life."   
  
"You give me far too much credit," Jareth smiled winningly.   
  
"And what is it you want?" Sarah asked irritated. "And at 3am as well."   
  
"If I may answer," Frank broke in. "You see, this involves me as well, and I am a bit of a creature of the night."   
  
"Besides it's urgent," Jareth said, "May we come in."   
  
"I hardly see what choice I have," Sarah answered. She moved out of the way so they could enter and closed the door behind them. Jareth and Frank waited in Sarah's spacious living room while she fettered around in the kitchen.   
  
"You were right about her," Frank told Jareth, gesturing towards Sarah.   
  
"Later," Jareth hissed at him as Sarah reentered the room carrying a tray of tea. She handed steaming cups to both Jareth and Frank, took one herself and sat down.   
  
"Now if we could get right down to the point," she said bluntly. "What is it you boys want knocking down my door at three Am?"   
  
Jareth broke into a detailed description of the events of the past hours, which was much longer than it needed to be since no one quite knew anything other than the fact that in one moment Jareth was suddenly out of his castle and on the grounds of Frank's.   
  
" You see, what my long winded friend is trying to tell you here, is that he fears you are the only person who knows how to get back into his Kingdom, and he humbly begs for your assistance." Frank looked at Sarah with his deep green eyes and smiled warmly," Please."   
  
"I do not see why I should help him. What has he ever done for me, apart from completely turning my life upside down and trying to turn my baby brother into a goblin?" Sarah interjected hotly.   
  
" Oh, would you come off it. That was nearly ten years ago and I was, after all, only doing my job." Jareth glared at her angrily through his mismatched eyes.   
  
"Doing your job?" Sarah was at a loss for words.   
  
"Look, if you don't help me this could effect you too. The whole underground is in an uproar."   
  
"How can that be, you've been gone for less than a day?" Sarah asked.   
  
"I'm not quite sure. I leave from time to time without telling anyone and usually am gone much longer than this. My second-in-command Darien usually takes care of things while I'm gone. None of this feels right. Someone must be behind my appearing on Dr. Furter's doorstep, perhaps the same thing has happened to Darien. I fear for him." Jareth answered her slowly.   
  
"Perhaps Darien betrayed you, it would serve you right." Sarah said.   
  
" No, I don't think so," Jareth told her, "Darien would never betray me, he has too much at stake."   
  
Frank smiled knowingly, "This is becoming more and more intriguing by the minute."   
  
Sarah ignored him and went on, "Could it have been someone else, one of your many enemies?"   
  
"Perhaps, but I would have no idea where to begin, it could be anyone," Jareth answered her, not really helping his case much. "What I do know is that we're only wasting time here. The best thing is if we just go take my kingdom back from whoever or whatever taken it captive. If we're ready for anything there should be no surprises."   
  
"Do you always rush so blindly into battle?" Sarah asked.   
  
"I can't help it, I'm a man of action," Jareth dubiously pointed out.   
  
"One of the many things I love about you," Frank broke in, "But you're quite right we can't just sit here talking about doing something we have to actually do it. So, most beauteous Sarah, could you find it in your heart to forgive this poor excuse for a man and help us to get into the underground in order to save his kingdom?"   
  
"Well, if you put it that way, I suppose I could help you." Sarah led them upstairs and into what Frank could only assume was her bedroom. It looked slightly childish, like something you would expect to see as a movie set for a cheap fantasy flick. Sarah turned and looked at Jareth expectantly.   
  
"What?" Jareth asked slightly taken aback.   
  
"I'm going with you," Sarah said pointedly and walked in front of a floor length mirror.   
  
"Oh no you're not."   
  
"And why is that o' gracious Goblin King?" Sarah asked over her shoulder.   
  
"For one thing it's too dangerous and for another you'll slow us down. Besides what do you want to come with us anyway? You hate me." Jareth was not quite sure why he didn't want Sarah to come with them. It was true she wasn't fond of him, but he did like her and this would be quite an opportunity for him to win her affections. And yet he hesitated, why?   
  
"If you want to go, you have to take me with you," Sarah said firmly.   
  
"Oh just let her come so we can get this over with," Frank said from the corner where he was digging through the stage make-up on Sarah's vanity.   
  
"Fine," Jareth said defeated, "Now what?" "Step through the mirror," Sarah said confidently.   
  
"How the hell am I supposed to step through a mirror?"   
  
"You take too much for granted Jareth. It's just like Alice in wonderland." Frank slipped the tube of lipstick into his handbag, and walked over to the mirror. "Just call Alice," And with that Frank stepped through the mirror and into the oubliette. 


	4. Beautiful Day For a Stroll, But Wouldn't...

Chapter Four   
  
Beautiful Day for a Stroll, but wouldn't you rather come inside and have some scones?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
Frank looked around at his surroundings, he was in a dark room, but that was about all he could discern through the darkness.  
  
  
  
"I just don't understand," Jareth's voice drifted in and out of nothingness as he and Sarah came through into the oubliette.  
  
  
  
"Where in the bloody hell are we?" Frank asked Sarah.  
  
  
  
"In my oubliette," Jareth offered looking around. This was rather insane, though also quite amusing. "Sarah, why does your bedroom mirror connect to my oubliette?"  
  
  
  
"I thought you'd arranged it," Sarah said startled at the revolution that Jareth hadn't been tampering with her furniture after all.  
  
  
  
"No, no, not me... though it was quite ingenious." Jareth sighed and ran his fingertips lightly across the dirty walls of the oubliette. "I don't know why I didn't think of it." Jareth's hand paused on the wall, "Ah, this is the one." Jareth knocked on the wall twice in succession, making a hallow sound, and the wall opened up into a door. "Come on, this door should take us to right outside my castle," Jareth said and walked through.  
  
  
  
"Well that's convenient," Sarah said sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"Oh, don't get huffy." Jareth said. "I'm the only one who knows about this passage; your short statured friend could not have possibly known of it, and thus could not possibly have shown you to it."  
  
  
  
Sarah sighed, "Well, very well then, let's keep going."  
  
  
  
The three of them stepped into the passage, and the door abruptly closed behind them. Sarah seemed unsurprised, but Jareth and Frank both spun around. Frank was a little unnerved, despite the dramatic affect he never did like when doors suddenly slammed shut behind you of their own volition.  
  
  
  
Jareth furrowed his eyebrows, "It shouldn't have done that."  
  
  
  
"What!" Sarah exclaimed spinning around on him.  
  
  
  
Frank jiggled the handle; "It's locked."  
  
  
  
"Dammit," Jareth swore.  
  
  
  
"What difference does it make?" Sarah asked. "We don't want to get back into the oubliette anyway. Do we?"  
  
  
  
"No," Jareth said pointedly, "But someone has tampered with this door and that can't mean anything good, especially when I'm supposed to be the only one who know about. The rest of my kingdom is probably in complete disarray."  
  
  
  
Sarah scoffed.  
  
  
  
"What's your problem?" Jareth asked defensively.  
  
  
  
"I doubt that you are ambitious enough to control so much within your kingdom that it could possibly fall into any kind of disarray within one day of your absence." Sarah raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
  
  
"Not normally," Jareth conceded. "Normally my kingdom would be able to function pretty normally for at least a week or so without me, as long as nothing catastrophic occurred. However, I'm not quite as lazy as you make me sound; you should know better than to actually think that. I jumped through hoops to win over your affections."  
  
  
  
"Fine job you did too," Frank said sarcastically and patted Jareth on the back.  
  
  
  
"Sod off," Jareth mumbled under his breath.  
  
  
  
Sarah rolled her eyes and brought them back to the subject at hand. " Why isn't today a normal situation? What's changed?"  
  
  
  
"There are some diplomatic issues at work. I've recently been the subject of some rather rash criticism; unfounded criticism I might add." Jareth didn't seem to want to talk about it, because he began stomping off down the passage.  
  
  
  
They spent nearly two hours walking down the barren passage before objections finally arose from the man wearing stiletto heels and a corset.  
  
  
  
Frank, who had been planning on spending the majority of his time off of his feet like normal, was now thoroughly put out by all of the walking. He began to complain about how much his shoes hurt his feet.  
  
  
  
Sarah had begun to doubt Jareth's leadership skills. They'd been walking down an unchanging passageway for what now seemed like forever, and Sarah was pretty sure they were completely lost.  
  
  
  
Jareth had concluded that this passage would probably just keep going on and on forever. He had also concluded that he didn't have the slightest idea what to do about it. Since he didn't seem to be in possession of any of the skills he normally was empowered with as the king of the goblins, and he didn't want Sarah to find reason to doubt him he continued walking down the passage at a quickened pace and pretended to know what he was doing.  
  
  
  
"Well, I think that I have had quite enough of this!" Frank cried out, "Would you bloody stop already? We're not getting anywhere!"  
  
  
  
Jareth didn't stop until he heard Sarah's firm footsteps disappear along with Frankie's stiletto clicks. He turned around slowly examining Sarah's flushed cheeks with what could only amount to guilt.  
  
  
  
"Jareth, do you have the slightest idea where we are?" Sarah asked him angrily.  
  
  
  
"Do you want a reassuring answer or the truth?" Jareth asked timidly. Sarah was so scary when she's mad.  
  
  
  
"The truth please," Sarah answered callously.  
  
  
  
"I have absolutely no idea," Jareth said downheartedly and sunk down against the wall.  
  
  
  
"Then I suggest that you let me lead, seeing as I'm the only person who has actually found my way through this Labyrinth;" Sarah said all of this very grandiosely.  
  
  
  
"With the help of British worms and midgets you found your way through my Labyrinth, you could not have done it without. However, if you think you can get us out of here be my guest." Jareth gestured for her to walk on ahead of him.  
  
  
  
Sarah, looking very pleased with herself, made it about ten feet before the ground gave way and she plunged into the sinking black abyss.  
  
  
  
"Women," Jareth shook his head and looked down the hole.  
  
  
  
"Are you going to save her then?" Frank asked nonchalantly.  
  
  
  
"No. She'll be ok," Jareth said easily. "The only thing at the bottom of that hole is a large bowl of lime Jell-O and a miniature golf course."  
  
  
  
Frank raised his eyebrow. "Miniature golf?" he asked patronizingly.  
  
  
  
"So, I have a fetish." Jareth said defensively. "You have a shoe problem, you don't see me on your ass about that."  
  
  
  
Frank sighed disappointedly, "No, would it help if I bought even more shoes? I could you know, I really like buying shoes."   
  
Jareth breathed in through his teeth, "Tempting, but I really don't think it would work out."   
  
Frank was about to say something witty and incredibly charming to win Jareth over but he was interrupted by a tiny voice on his right.   
  
"Allo." Frank turned to see a decidedly British worm sitting on a ledge provided by a loose brick. He smiled amiably his little blue scarf waving in the wind.   
  
Frank looked confusedly at Jareth, "Did that worm just say hello?"   
  
"No, he said 'Allo' but that's close enough," Jareth said. He was glad to finally be in the presence of someone who could help him get to the center of this bloody maze.   
  
The little worm nodded as agreeable as ever. "Nice day for a stroll i'n't it? Won't you come inside and have a cup of tea?"   
  
"Throw in some scones and you've got yourself a deal my little blue friend." Frank said all this very easily, finding himself on familiar ground. He started moving towards the worm, but Jareth pushed him back. Frank tripped on his heels and fell on his ass, getting a runner in his stocking.   
  
"Ow," Frank groaned, standing up and brushing himself off. "You ripped my fishnet you bastard!"   
  
"Stop whining," Jareth glared at him. The worm just continued smiling through it all.   
  
"Come inside and meet the missus."   
  
"Yes, yes, do shut up," Jareth interrupted tired of the worms endless repartee. "Listen, we really need your help."   
  
"What can I do for you your highness?" 


	5. White Rabbits and Drug Busts in the Unde...

Chapter Five  
  
White Rabbits and Drug Busts in the Underground  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
"We're really accepting directions from a worm," Frank complained as he edged around the gaping hole in the middle of the path, not an easy task for someone in high heels.  
  
  
  
"He knows what he's talking about." Jareth sighed with relief as he reached safe ground.  
  
  
  
"He's a four inch long blue worm, even with the British accent I don't see how he could possibly know his way around your kingdom better than you do!" Frank exclaimed as he hopped onto solid ground next to Jareth.  
  
  
  
"I don't normally need to know my way around my kingdom, I just appear wherever I I want to go," Jareth explained walking onward. He pointed to the wall on the right about twenty feet ahead of them. "There's the red brick, get our map out," Jareth instructed.  
  
  
  
Frank began digging through his handbag. "I can't find the bloody thing! If a worm with no hands can draw a map, you'd think he could at least draw it on piece of paper larger than a post stamp."  
  
  
  
Jareth stepped in front of the brick and waited for Frank to find the map. Frank found it and gave it to Jareth.  
  
  
  
Jareth read the tiny piece of paper with his eyes squinted almost to the point of being closed. "We're supposed to push the brick in and it should make a door open in the wall or something along those lines."  
  
  
  
Frank pressed his knuckles against the brick and pushed as hard as he could but the brick didn't budge. "It won't move," he grumbled angrily.  
  
  
  
Jareth rolled his eyes, guess you couldn't expect much from a man wearing high heels. Jareth moved over to the brick and tried to push it in, but it still would not budge.  
  
  
  
Frank shook his head and added his strength to the brick; slowly the brick pushed in. Abruptly the ground gave way and Frank and Jareth were very slowly falling down the hole. Now we're not talking just slower than a person would normally be expected to fall, we're talking slow like falling through cold molasses.  
  
  
  
Though nothing seemed to be impeding their fall, they had now been falling for nearly five minutes and had only progressed about a hundred feet. Jareth was very annoyed about this, but Frank found it all quite funny, hilarious in fact.  
  
  
  
"Just like bloody Alice," Frankie laughed. "I missed the white rabbit, but maybe we got a blue worm instead." Frankie dissolved into hysterical laughter.  
  
  
  
"That's all well and good, but have you thought about what we're going to do if we just keep falling like this forever?" Jareth asked, looking grumpy with his arms crossed over his chest.  
  
  
  
Frankie abruptly stopped laughing. "Oh, Jareth don't be silly! There's all kinds of things we can do!" With this Frank threw himself at Jareth and kissed him passionately.  
  
  
  
Jareth may have even been kissing back, Frank couldn't be sure because the thickness in the air suddenly disappeared and they fell in a heap at the bottom of the hole.  
  
  
  
Jareth stood up and brushed himself off quickly. He had turned bright red, mostly because spandex was not the best choice for hiding a hard on. Frank had noticed this and smiled satirically, tonight was shaping out to be not all bad after all not even half bad to tell the truth.  
  
  
  
"Jareth luv, I'm exhausted. Let's find someplace to rest until morning, shall we?"  
  
  
  
Jareth looked at him patronizingly, doubting he had rest in mind. "I'm rather tired myself. If we are were I think we are I might even be able to find a bed."  
  
  
  
Frank smiled; bed was singular. "Alright then luv, lead the way," Frank smiled as he stood up.  
  
  
  
All this was slightly more difficult then it would seem though. They were in a round room that was lined with exactly nineteen doors, all labeled nicely with pretty red numbers and all locked.  
  
  
  
After Frank had tried all of the doors a second time he sat down in the middle of the room in a huff. "Finally things are looking up, and now this," he grumbled.  
  
  
  
"Calm down," Jareth said sitting down next to Frank. "I have unwarranted good luck, I must have done something extraordinarily good in another life, though I can't imagine how that could have happened. If we wait for a little while an answer to our current predicament will present itself. In the meantime.." Jareth leaned in to kiss Frank, but was interrupted when door number nineteen burst open and two police officers burst in. 


End file.
